The Rise of Intentional Dating: Moving Beyond the “Situationship”

In a world of endless swiping and casual hookups, the term “situationship” has become all too familiar. It’s the ambiguous space between dating and a committed relationship, a gray area often fueled by a lack of clear communication and fear of vulnerability. But what if you’re ready to move past the ambiguity and start building something real? This is the core of intentional dating—a mindset and a practice that prioritizes clear communication, strong boundaries, and a genuine pursuit of meaningful connection.

Clearly Communicating Your Desires

The first step in intentional dating is getting clear on what you want and being brave enough to say it. Many situationships thrive on the unspoken, but you can’t get what you want if you don’t ask for it.

• Use “I” statements. Instead of saying, “You never want to commit,” try, “I feel valued and secure in a relationship that has a clear future.” This approach focuses on your feelings and needs without placing blame on the other person.
• Be direct and honest. When you’re ready, have a conversation about your relationship goals. You can say something like, “I’m really enjoying getting to know you, but I want to be upfront that I’m looking for a committed, long-term relationship.” This is not an ultimatum; it’s a declaration of your intentions, allowing the other person to respond with theirs.
• Don’t assume. Avoid trying to read their mind or dropping hints. The fear of rejection often leads people to be passive, but an honest conversation can save both of you from months of emotional limbo. Remember, the right person will appreciate your clarity.

read also Nigerian family drama: When Your Sister Chooses Your Husband

Setting Boundaries That Protect Your Peace

Boundaries are not about controlling another person; they are about defining what you will and will not accept in a relationship. They are a form of self-care that prevents resentment and burnout.

• Define your non-negotiables early. In a new connection, it’s crucial to be clear about your deal-breakers. This could be anything from communication frequency to personal values. If a behavior makes you uncomfortable, address it calmly and directly. For example, “I’m not comfortable with my partner being on dating apps, even just to browse.”
• Be consistent. A boundary is meaningless if it is not enforced. If you communicate a boundary and it’s repeatedly disrespected, that is a clear signal that the other person is not ready or willing to meet your needs.
• Protect your emotional and physical space. This can include how much time you spend together, your need for alone time, or your preferences for physical intimacy. It’s perfectly okay to say, “I need a couple of hours to myself after work to decompress before we talk.”

checkout Have You Eaten? The Unwritten Rules of Dating in Lagos You Need to Know

Seeking and Fostering Genuine Commitment

Moving toward commitment requires more than just talking about it; it requires consistent actions that build trust and security

• Look for consistency, not just grand gestures. In a situationship, communication and affection can be inconsistent. In a committed partnership, there is a steady flow of mutual respect, effort, and communication. Does their behavior match their words over time?
• Introduce them to your world. A person who is serious about commitment will want to integrate you into their life. They’ll introduce you to friends and family, and they’ll want to get to know yours. This shows a desire to build a shared life, not just a temporary arrangement.
• Acknowledge and appreciate mutual effort. Commitment is a two-way street. Celebrate when your partner shows up for you, whether it’s through a thoughtful action or emotional support. This reinforces the positive behaviors and strengthens the bond between you.

By embracing the principles of intentional dating, you can reclaim your power and move past the frustration of undefined connections. It’s about honoring your own worth and being proactive in creating the kind of relationship you truly deserve.

You can learn more about how to navigate these conversations and turn a situationship into a committed relationship by watching this video: 13 Ways to Turn a Situationship Into a Relationship.

watch it on our youtube channel