The word “Japa,” a Yoruba term meaning “to flee,” has become more than just slang; it’s a defining feature of Nigeria’s current reality. and “As one report from May 2025 highlighted, ‘money cannot talk to me. Money cannot sit with me,’ reflecting the emotional void remittances can’t fill.”
Millions of young, skilled, and ambitious Nigerians are making the brave, often heartbreaking, decision to leave the country in search of better opportunities, safety, and dignity abroad. This exodus, while promising new beginnings for individuals, has cast a long shadow over one of life’s most fundamental aspects: love and relationships.
As of 2025, the “Japa” trend continues to reshape families and partnerships. What happens when one half of a couple embarks on this journey while the other remains in Nigeria? Can a Nigerian relationship truly survive the immense pressures of distance, change, and longing? The answer is complex, but with intentional effort, it is possible.
The Realities of “Japa” on Nigerian Relationships
The decision for one partner to relocate abroad often leads to what many now call the “Proceed Spouses Syndrome,” where one spouse leaves while the other stays behind, sometimes for years. This creates unique and powerful challenges:
- The Chasm of Distance and Time: Physical separation is the most obvious hurdle. What’s often overlooked are the practical difficulties of time zone differences, making regular, quality communication a logistical puzzle. The simple act of a spontaneous call becomes a scheduled event.
- Emotional Strain & Loneliness: The “Japa” journey is tough on both sides. The partner abroad faces culture shock, loneliness, and the pressure of starting fresh. The partner left behind often deals with loneliness, increased responsibilities, societal pressures, and the pain of missing births, funerals, and everyday moments. As one report from May 2025 highlighted, “money cannot talk to me. Money cannot sit with me,” reflecting the emotional void remittances can’t fill.
- Trust Issues & Infidelity: Being apart can naturally breed insecurity. Whispers, rumors, and the absence of physical intimacy can put immense strain on trust. Sadly, some relationships succumb to infidelity on either side, turning planned reunions into bitter discoveries, as counselors have widely reported.
- Changing Lives & Priorities: The person who “japas” might undergo significant personal growth and change due to new experiences, friends, and challenges. Similarly, the person remaining in Nigeria continues their life, facing different realities. These divergent paths can lead to emotional distance, making it feel like “we live in entirely different worlds now,” as one wife whose husband “japa-ed” to the UK noted.
- Financial Burdens: While the goal is often financial betterment, the initial stages of relocation can be incredibly expensive. Frequent visits are costly, and the financial responsibilities can shift, leading to new stresses within the partnership.
- Uncertainty & The ‘When will it end?’ Question: Without a clear timeline for reunification, the open-ended nature of the separation can be emotionally draining. Partners need a concrete plan and mutual agreement on when and how they will eventually be together again.
The Sun Nigeria, March 29, 2024
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Strategies for “Japa” Relationship Survival
Despite the daunting challenges, many Nigerian couples are making their long-distance relationships work. It requires tremendous effort, sacrifice, and a strong foundation built on key pillars:
- Communication, Communication, Communication: This is the bedrock. Regular video calls, honest conversations about feelings (even the difficult ones), and sharing daily experiences are vital. Intentional communication helps bridge the physical gap. As a couple who relocated to the Netherlands in 2022 shared, open talks and shared expectations before leaving were crucial for them.
- Unwavering Trust & Transparency: Both partners must commit to being completely honest and transparent. This means openly discussing new friendships, financial situations, and daily routines to avoid misunderstandings and build confidence in each other’s faithfulness.
- A Clear, Shared Vision for the Future: Both partners must be on the same page about the why and the when. Is the goal eventual relocation for the other partner? Marriage? What does the “end game” look like? Without a shared vision, commitment can waver.
- Planned Visits & Milestones: Having definite dates for visits provides something tangible to look forward to and reinforces commitment. Even if they are infrequent, knowing when you’ll next see each other makes the distance bearable.
- Leveraging Technology Creatively: Beyond simple calls, use technology for “virtual dates”—watching movies together, cooking simultaneously over video, playing online games, or even just sharing screens while working.
- Cultivating Individual Growth & Support Systems: While in a relationship, both partners still need to live their individual lives. Encouraging each other’s personal development and having strong local support systems (friends, family, community) can help combat loneliness and personal stagnation. As a Nigerian couple who survived a long-distance marriage to the UK advised, “Be open to not being physically together for a while. Go where the money is, even if it means maintaining a long-distance relationship.” They also highlighted the importance of community support in a new country.
- Financial Honesty and Planning: Create a joint financial plan that addresses relocation costs, living expenses, and savings goals. Be open about income and spending, as financial stress can amplify other relationship issues.
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When the “Japa” Effect Leads to Endings
It’s important to acknowledge that not every relationship survives the “Japa” effect, and sometimes, that’s okay. The intense pressure can reveal underlying weaknesses that distance only magnifies. For some, the new lives built abroad or the challenges faced back home become too divergent to reconcile. Breaking up, while painful, can sometimes be a healthier outcome than a prolonged, unfulfilling long-distance struggle.
The “Japa” journey is a testament to the resilience and hope of Nigerians. For couples, it tests the very fabric of their connection. While incredibly demanding, with open hearts, unwavering commitment, and smart strategies, many Nigerian relationships can survive and even thrive across continents, proving that love truly knows no bounds – even if it sometimes requires a very long-distance ticket.
What are your experiences with the “Japa” effect on relationships? Share your insights and advice below.
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