Managing Expectations: Loving the Real Person You’re With

From movies and social media, we are often shown a perfect kind of love: a love without any arguments, a partner who always knows exactly what to say, and a life that is always exciting. But in real life, love is much messier and much more beautiful. Managing Expectations is one of the most important skills you can learn for a happy, long-lasting relationship. It’s about letting go of those perfect ideas and learning to deeply love the real, flawed, and wonderful person standing right in front of you.

The Problem with Fairytales

We all have ideas about what a perfect partner and a perfect relationship should be like. But these ideas can cause real problems. When you expect your partner to be flawless, you put too much pressure on them, and you set yourself up for disappointment. No one can live up to the fantasy. The truth is, a perfect partner doesn’t exist. They are human, just like you. And love is not about finding someone without flaws; it’s about loving someone because of them.

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Managing Expectations: Loving the Real Person

The secret to a happy relationship isn’t finding the right person, but learning to love the person you’re with, just as they are. This is at the heart of Managing Expectations.

• Accept Their Flaws as Part of Them. That thing that sometimes annoys you—maybe they leave their socks on the floor or they get a little quiet when they’re stressed—is a part of who they are. Instead of trying to change them, try to accept it as a small piece of the person you love.
• Celebrate the Small Things. Stop waiting for grand romantic gestures. The real love is in the small, everyday moments: a cup of coffee made for you in the morning, a hug when you get home from work, or a simple text that says “I love you.” Those are the moments that truly matter. This is a very important part of Managing Expectations and finding joy every day.
• Remember You’re a Team, Not a Dream. Your partner is your teammate, not a character in a movie. They are not there to complete you or solve all your problems. They are there to support you as you both work on life together. This is a key to Managing Expectations. You can read more about how this works in our blog post on supporting each other’s individual growth.

Managing Expectations: Practical Tips for a Happier Life

It’s one thing to understand this idea and another to actually live it. Here are some simple, practical ways to let go of expectations and embrace reality.

• Talk About Your Expectations. Be honest about what you expect. Maybe you think your partner should remember every important date. Talk about it. When you share your expectations, you give your partner a chance to understand you better. This is a great way of Managing Expectations together. For more on this, read this article from The Gottman Institute on mindful communication.
• Practice Gratitude Daily. Make a habit of noticing the good things your partner does every day. Say “thank you” for the small acts of kindness. This shifts your focus from what’s missing to what’s right.
• Focus on Yourself. Instead of trying to change your partner, focus on your own personal growth. The more you work on yourself, the more you will be able to love and accept your partner for who they are.

Ultimately, Managing Expectations is a loving act. It’s about accepting that real love is not about perfection, but about partnership, kindness, and honest effort. By letting go of the fairytale, you open the door to a love that is real, deep, and truly built to last.

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