Parenting as a Team: Keeping Your Love Strong After Kids Arrive

Having a baby is one of the most amazing and life-changing things that can happen to a couple. Suddenly, your world is full of tiny socks, late-night feedings, and endless love. But amidst all the joy, it’s easy to forget about your partner. Parenting as a Team is not just about raising your children; it’s about making sure your special bond with your partner stays strong, even when you’re both tired and busy. When you work together as a united front, you create a happy home for your kids and keep your love alive.

Why Parenting as a Team Matters for Your Relationship

Before kids, it was just the two of you. Now, you have a little person who needs all your attention. This can sometimes make you feel distant from your partner. But when you make an effort to be Parenting as a Team, you actually strengthen your whole family.

• You’re on the same side. When you both have the same rules and ideas about how to raise your kids, it makes things much easier. Kids thrive when their parents work together.
• It reduces stress. Raising children is tough. When you share the load and support each other, it makes the hard times feel less heavy. You’re not alone.
• Your kids see a loving example. When your children see you and your partner working together and showing love to each other, it teaches them what a healthy relationship looks like. This is a crucial part of Parenting as a Team.

How to Be a Team with Your Partner

Being Parenting as a Team means consciously making an effort every day. Here are some practical ways to do it:

• Talk, Talk, Talk (Even When You’re Tired): Communication is your superpower. Talk about who will do the next feeding, who needs a break, or what problems you’re having with the kids. Don’t wait for problems to get big; talk about them when they are small. You can learn more about this in our blog post on how to communicate better with your partner.
• Share the Load (Fairly): It’s easy for one person to feel like they’re doing everything. Make a list of all the baby duties and household chores. Then, talk about how you can share them. It might not always be 50/50, but it should feel fair to both of you. For example, maybe one partner does the late-night feeding, and the other handles the morning routine. This is a very important part of Parenting as a Team.
• Back Each Other Up: When one partner makes a decision about the kids, even if you don’t fully agree, support them in front of the children. Discuss your different ideas later, when the kids aren’t around. This shows your kids that you are a united front.

Keeping the Couple’s Bond Strong

It’s easy to get lost in being “Mommy” or “Daddy” and forget that you are also a partner. Keeping your couple’s bond strong is vital for your happiness and for your family’s happiness. This is what Parenting as a Team is all about.

• Make Time for Each Other (Even Small Bits): You might not have time for long date nights, and that’s okay. But make small moments count.
  • Example: Once the kids are asleep, spend 15 minutes just talking, holding hands, or watching a show together.
  • Example: Have a “coffee date” in the kitchen after the kids leave for school, or during nap time.
  • Example: Go for a quick walk around the block, just the two of you.
• Show Appreciation: Say “thank you” for the big and small things. “Thank you for getting up with the baby last night,” or “I really appreciate you doing the laundry.” This makes your partner feel seen and valued. This is a simple but powerful way to be Parenting as a Team. You can read more about this in our article on showing appreciation daily.
• Remember Your Identity Beyond Parents: You were a person before you were a parent. Encourage each other to have hobbies, see friends, or work on personal goals. When you both feel fulfilled as individuals, you bring more joy back to the relationship. This is a key part of Parenting as a Team.
• Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help: It takes a village to raise a child. If you’re struggling, ask family, friends, or even a babysitter for help so you and your partner can get some rest or time alone. For professional advice on supporting your relationship while parenting, check out resources from The Gottman Institute on parenting.

Parenting as a Team is a journey, not a destination. There will be tough days, but by choosing to support each other, communicate openly, and make time for your relationship, you can build a family life that is full of love, joy, and a strong, lasting connection.b