Recognizing and Addressing Unrealistic Expectations: The Reality Check

Everyone enters a relationship with hopes and dreams. We imagine a perfect love story where everything is easy and our partner knows exactly what we want, all the time. But this way of thinking can be very harmful. Recognizing and addressing unrealistic expectations is one of the most important steps to having a truly happy and healthy relationship. It’s about letting go of what you think love should look like and loving the person you actually have.

1. What are Unrealistic Expectations?

Recognizing and addressing unrealistic expectations starts with knowing what they are. Simply put, they are ideas about your partner or your relationship that are not based in reality. These ideas often come from movies, books, or social media.

• The “Mind Reader” Trap: This is the idea that your partner should know what you’re thinking or what you need without you having to say a word.
  • Example: You are upset about something, but you don’t say anything. You expect your partner to see you’re sad and cheer you up. When they don’t, you get angry.
• The “Perfect Partner” Trap: This is the idea that your partner should be perfect in every way. They should never make mistakes, always be happy, and have no bad habits.
  • Example: You get mad because your partner forgot to take out the trash, even though they usually do it every week. You think they should never forget anything.
• The “Happily Ever After” Trap: This is the belief that once you are in a relationship, you will never have another problem. You think life will always be easy and fun.
  • Example: You get upset when you and your partner have your first big fight, thinking it means your relationship is broken.

These kinds of expectations can lead to a lot of pain and fighting. They set your partner up for failure because no one can ever be perfect.

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2. How to Address Unrealistic Expectations

Once you recognize these ideas, the next step is to change them. This is the act of recognizing and addressing unrealistic expectations.

• Talk about it. The best way to deal with an unrealistic expectation is to talk about it openly. Instead of getting mad, try to be honest. Use “I feel” statements to share how you feel. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you could say, “I feel sad when I’m talking and you are on your phone, because it feels like you’re not listening.”
• Ask for what you need. Don’t wait for your partner to guess what you want. Tell them directly. It’s okay to say, “I’m feeling down. Can you please give me a hug?” This is so much easier and more helpful than getting angry when they don’t read your mind.
• See your partner as a person. Remember that your partner is human. They will make mistakes, they will have bad days, and they will not be perfect. Just like you. Accepting your partner for who they are, with all their good and bad parts, is a true sign of love. You can learn more about how to manage expectations from this article on How to Set Realistic Expectations.
• Let go of the “happily ever after” story. Understand that every relationship has ups and downs. Fights and hard times are not a sign of failure. They are a normal part of life. When you get through them together, it makes your bond even stronger. You can read more about dealing with conflict in this blog post about communication in relationships.

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By letting go of these ideas, you give your relationship a chance to be real and happy. Recognizing and addressing unrealistic expectations is an ongoing process, but it leads to a love that is honest, strong, and built to last.

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