Let’s be real—friendships are beautiful, but just like romantic relationships, they can turn sour if you ignore the warning signs. Sometimes, it’s not even about dramatic fights or big betrayals. It’s the subtle things, the red flags we brush off in the name of loyalty or “we’ve known each other since secondary school.”
But sis (or bro), peace of mind is premium. So, let’s talk about the top friendship red flags you shouldn’t ignore—especially as an adult navigating life, career, and maybe even jollof-fueled brunches in Lagos or Abuja.
1. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something
This is one of the biggest red flags. If someone only remembers you when they need airtime, a ride, money, or even emotional support—but they’re nowhere to be found when you’re down—it’s not a friendship, it’s a transaction.
✅ What to do: Take a step back and evaluate the balance. Are you always giving and never receiving?
2. They Constantly Compete With You
A little healthy competition is okay—but when your “friend” always wants to one-up you, downplays your wins, or throws subtle shade anytime you’re doing well, it’s not giving love, it’s giving envy.
🚩 If your friend can’t genuinely clap for you, that’s a problem.
3. They Talk Behind Your Back
Nigerian gist culture is strong, we know. But if your name is always on their lips in places you’re not, and not in a good way, that’s a major red flag.
🙅🏽♀️ Gossiping about you, especially in ways that damage your reputation, shows a lack of respect and loyalty.
4. They Make You Feel Drained
You always feel tired after hanging out with them? You dread their calls or messages? That’s emotional exhaustion. Friendships should uplift you—not leave you emotionally bankrupt.
💡 Watch out for: Constant complaining, drama, or negativity that brings you down.
5. They Don’t Support You
Maybe they never repost your small business, show up at your events, or even send you a “Congrats!” message when you’re doing well. That “silent friend” vibe is not always noble.
✨ Your real ones will cheer you on, even if they don’t fully understand your journey.
6. They Disrespect Your Boundaries
You tell them you’re busy or not in the mood to talk, and they make you feel guilty? Or maybe they always overstep, share your secrets, or invade your personal space?
⚠️ Friendships require mutual respect. Period.
7. They Don’t Apologize or Take Accountability
If your friend never says sorry, always blames others, or makes you feel guilty even when they’re wrong, that’s manipulation. Adults should be able to own their mistakes.
👀 Watch out for gaslighting phrases like:
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “I was just joking.”
- “You always overreact.”
8. They Disappear When You Need Them Most
During hard times—sickness, heartbreak, loss—real friends show up. If someone always disappears when things get tough, but returns when you’re back to smiling, they’re seasonal.
💬 As they say in Naija: Na who dey for you when e red, be your true person.
What to Do If You Notice These Red Flags
- Talk About It – Sometimes, people don’t know they’re hurting you. If the friendship matters, have an honest conversation.
- Set Boundaries – Protect your peace, even if it means spending less time together.
- Walk Away If Needed – Don’t be afraid to let go. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever.
- Focus on Healthy Friendships – Nourish relationships where you feel seen, loved, and respected.
Final Thoughts
In the hustle of life, having the right people around you is priceless. Good friendships bring joy, support, and strength. So don’t settle for less.
Keep your eyes open, trust your gut, and always choose peace over history.
Related Posts:
- How to Deal with Friendship Breakups as an Adult
- Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship
- Morning Routine Ideas for a Productive Nigerian Woman
