In Nigerian relationships, love is often expressed through grand gestures — surprise birthdays with DJ Spinall on the playlist, cooking their favourite Egusi soup, or sending credit for late-night calls. But what happens when you’re doing “everything” and your partner still feels unloved?
The answer might lie in understanding your partner’s love language — and knowing your own too.
What Is a Love Language?
The concept of love languages was introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, who identified five main ways people give and receive love:
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Words of Affirmation
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Acts of Service
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Receiving Gifts
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Quality Time
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Physical Touch
Each person has one or two dominant love languages. If you and your partner speak different languages, you may both feel underappreciated — even when you’re trying your best.
Understanding your partner’s love language helps you love them in the way they understand best.
Why Love Languages Matter in Nigerian Relationships
In Nigeria, love is often measured by cultural expectations. For instance, a man may think he’s showing love by paying bills, while a woman may be craving kind words and affection.
Understanding your partner’s love language helps bridge that emotional gap.
Read our guide on How to Build a Healthy Relationship Before Marriage for more foundational tips.
The Five Love Languages Explained (Nigerian Context)
1. Words of Affirmation
Your partner feels loved when you compliment or encourage them.
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“You looked amazing at the event last night.”
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“I’m proud of the way you handled that situation.”
💬 Tip: Use pet names like “baby,” “my king,” or “sweetheart” in texts or phone calls — it goes a long way!
2. Acts of Service
Doing things that ease their burden, like washing their car, helping with chores, or prepping jollof rice before they get home from work.
Nigerians often show love through action, especially in marriages.
🔧 For example:
Helping her carry her shopping bags, fixing her generator, or cooking when she’s tired = major points!
3. Receiving Gifts
This doesn’t mean your partner is materialistic. A gift — no matter how small — shows that you thought about them.
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Airtime during the week
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A surprise bottle of wine after salary week
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Personalized jewelry with a cultural flair
🎁 In our culture, gifting is a language of love and honor.
4. Quality Time
Your partner feels loved when you give them your undivided attention.
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Sitting outside and just talking after dinner
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Watching Netflix or African Magic together without scrolling through your phone
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Taking them for a beach walk at Elegushi
🕒 Quality time speaks volumes, especially in relationships where time is limited due to Lagos hustle.
5. Physical Touch
A simple hug, holding hands, forehead kisses, or even sitting close can make your partner feel secure and cherished.
In Nigerian society, physical affection is often private, but it shouldn’t be absent. Touch connects.
Note: Respect boundaries — not everyone feels safe with touch, especially in public settings.
How to Know Your Love Language (and Your Partner’s)
Take a few minutes to reflect:
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What makes you feel most loved?
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What do you complain about most often in your relationship?
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What do you wish your partner did more?
📍 Take the free Love Language Quiz to discover yours and compare with your partner’s.
What If Your Love Languages Are Different?
It’s common. You just have to learn to “speak” each other’s language intentionally.
Example: If your partner values words of affirmation and you prefer acts of service, don’t just cook — also say, “I’m proud of how hard you work every day.”
Compromise, empathy, and consistency will help both partners feel valued.
How to Apply Love Languages in Everyday Nigerian Life
| Situation | Love Language Application |
|---|---|
| Long-distance relationship (e.g., Abuja to Port Harcourt) | Frequent voice notes = words of affirmation, airtime gifts = receiving gifts |
| Busy Lagos lifestyle | Schedule Friday movie nights = quality time, help with chores = acts of service |
| Religious or cultural homes | Respecting physical boundaries, using words = safe affirmation + soft touch |
Final Thoughts
Love is not one-size-fits-all — and neither is marriage. Understanding your partner’s love language and yours ensures you’re not loving in vain, but loving effectively.
Whether it’s helping out in the kitchen, holding hands, or whispering “I love you” over fried plantain, it’s all about intentionality.
Because the real beauty of love isn’t just in giving — it’s in being understood.
Ready to Deepen Your Relationship?
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Explore: Top Questions to Ask Before Marriage
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💬 Comment: What’s your love language? Drop it below!
