In April 2025, controversial Nollywood actor Yul Edochie once again stirred public conversation with his dating advice for Nigerian men. Taking to his Instagram, he asserted:
“Confidence is number 1. Ladies love men who have guts and confidence no matter their class. Never let your confidence level drop for any reason. She will not kill you; she’ll either say yes or no. But most likely, in the end, she’ll say yes, because ladies love strong men.”
This statement, quickly amplified across social media, sparked a range of reactions. While boldness certainly holds a place in attraction, many Nigerians questioned if Yul Edochie’s dating advice truly captured the full picture of what women desire, especially in a society as nuanced as Nigeria’s. Is confidence truly the ultimate king, or are there deeper, more essential qualities that build lasting connection? Let’s decode this advice.
The Allure of Confidence: What Yul Edochie Got Right
There’s an undeniable element of truth to Edochie’s statement. Confidence is indeed an attractive trait, for both men and women.
- Self-Assurance: A man who believes in himself often exudes a calm assurance that can be very appealing. This translates to decisiveness, a sense of direction, and not being easily rattled by challenges.
- Presence and Charisma: Confident individuals tend to have a strong presence, they speak clearly, make eye contact, and hold themselves well. This can make a memorable first impression.
- Initiative: The “guts” to approach a woman, regardless of her “status,” is a form of confidence. It shows a willingness to take a chance and pursue what one wants, which many find attractive.
In a competitive dating landscape, particularly in busy Nigerian cities, the ability to stand out and make an approach is valuable. However, the controversy surrounding Yul Edochie’s dating advice lies in its potential oversimplification and what it leaves unsaid.
Why “Confidence is King” Isn’t the Whole Kingdom
While confidence is a valuable attribute, framing it as the sole or number one factor in attracting women, regardless of other circumstances, misses several critical components of what Nigerian women truly seek in a partner.
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Authenticity vs. Arrogance/False Bravado: True confidence stems from self-knowledge and security. It allows for vulnerability, active listening, and respect. Arrogance, on the other hand, is often a facade for insecurity, marked by boasting, dismissiveness, and an inability to truly connect. Many women are quick to distinguish genuine self-assurance from empty pride or “packaging.” They want a man who is confident in his skin, not one who needs to constantly prove himself.
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Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the Crown Jewel: Beyond just having “guts,” the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions, and equally important, to empathize with and respond appropriately to a woman’s feelings, is paramount. A truly “strong man” (as Edochie put it) is not just physically or verbally bold; he is emotionally astute. This includes:
- Active Listening: Not just waiting for your turn to talk, but genuinely hearing and understanding her perspective.
- Empathy: The capacity to share and understand the feelings of another.
- Vulnerability: The confidence to be open about fears, challenges, and emotions, which fosters deeper intimacy.
- Conflict Resolution: Handling disagreements with maturity and respect, rather than aggression or silence.
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Respect, Partnership, and Shared Values: Confidence should never translate to dominance or disrespect. Nigerian women, particularly the modern ones, value partners who see them as equals. This means respecting their opinions, ambitions, career paths, and personal autonomy. A confident man supports his partner’s growth, rather than feeling threatened by it. As we explored in our previous post, “What Nigerian Ladies Really Want in a Man (Beyond Confidence)“, qualities like respect, integrity, and shared values often rank higher than mere outward bravado for a lasting relationship.
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Financial Responsibility and Ambition (Beyond “No Matter Their Class”): Edochie’s assertion that money is “not everything” and confidence works “no matter their class” resonated with some but drew significant skepticism from others. While love isn’t solely about wealth, financial responsibility, ambition, and the ability to provide (or at least contribute meaningfully) are often crucial considerations in Nigerian society. Many women are looking for a partner who is industrious, stable, and capable of building a future. It’s less about current class and more about potential and effort. A man might not be wealthy today, but his confidence should be coupled with a clear vision and tangible efforts towards providing for himself and, eventually, a family. This aligns with a significant aspect of Nigerian men relationships.
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Consistency and Reliability: True confidence is backed by consistent action. A man who boasts but doesn’t follow through, or whose words don’t align with his behavior, quickly loses credibility. Reliability, dependability, and being a man of your word are foundational elements that build trust – a far more potent attractive force than fleeting “guts.”
Decoding “Confidence”: A Holistic Approach for Nigerian Men
So, what does truly effective confidence look like for Nigerian men navigating the dating scene? It’s a blend of self-assurance and genuine character:
- Cultivate Inner Security: Work on personal growth, set and achieve goals, understand your strengths and weaknesses. This builds authentic confidence that doesn’t need to be loud or performative.
- Practice Active Listening: Pay attention when she speaks. Ask follow-up questions. Remember details. This shows you value her as a person.
- Show Respect Consistently: In your words, actions, and decisions, demonstrate respect for her, her boundaries, and her aspirations.
- Be Ambitious and Responsible: Even if you’re not where you want to be financially, show drive, a plan, and a commitment to your responsibilities.
- Communicate Openly and Honestly: Share your thoughts and feelings, and encourage her to do the same. This fosters a safe space for real connection, especially vital in complex Nigerian men relationships. This ties into managing expectations in online dating, as discussed in our guide to Online Dating in Nigeria: Red Flags, Green Flags.
- Embrace Vulnerability: It takes true strength to admit when you don’t know something, to apologize when you’re wrong, or to share your fears. This builds intimacy.
Conclusion: Beyond the Crown of Confidence
While Yul Edochie’s advice highlights the importance of boldness, it’s crucial for Nigerian men to understand that confidence is just one piece of a much larger puzzle. Real attraction, the kind that leads to lasting and fulfilling relationships, is built on a foundation of genuine character, emotional intelligence, mutual respect, and a shared vision for the future.
The “king” in a successful relationship isn’t just one trait, but a complete package of qualities that make a man a worthy, dependable, and loving partner. Focus on cultivating that holistic self, and you’ll find that genuine connections follow.
What are your thoughts? Do you agree with Yul Edochie’s advice, or is there more to the story? Share your perspective in the comments below.
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